as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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