Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
