i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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