so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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