Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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