Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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