Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
