after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
