You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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