I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
