Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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