I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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