I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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