I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
