The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
