only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
