how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
