nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
