Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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