i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
