Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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