Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
