His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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