did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
