Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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