I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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