About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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