besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Terrible idea I love it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
