I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
