So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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