That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
