Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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