An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
