Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
