Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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