What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
