at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I am available for nakedness
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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