Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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