i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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