i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
