Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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