I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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