so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Let's paint friendship bongs
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
