Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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