No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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