sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
