did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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