Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
