he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
