That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
